Last month was the first time in my lil 8-month-old business where I had to go to battle with some past self-destructive tendencies.
At the beginning of July 2nd, I released my first free digital masterclass, which was to be followed by a July 12th paid digital course. I'm talking videos on videos and resources galore. My first digital course ever. I was PUMPED and had every single day scheduled out perfectly leading up to the release date. I'm very type A in my business. Outside of coaching? Organized chaos. Okay, even the word organized may be a stretch. The point is, I had my shit together and was confident in every aspect of this release.
Fast forward to July 4th, and I, along with my husband and 7 other friends, were hit with an awful stomach flu. What made me panic for thinking I would miss maybe 2 days of work turned into nine days. Nine. Days. God created the Heavens and the Earth in six days and our stomachs decided to create Hell in 9.
*cue perfectionist and people pleasing tendencies*
This was an "even if I really wanted to right now I can't" moment in life. And yet, I blamed myself for not being able to release my course on July 12th and having to cancel all my client calls. I began to spiral. The type of thought spiral that often leads to inaction OR unaligned action. Neither direction being one that I want.
My mind was flooded with the following thoughts:
"If I can't stick to the release date of my first course, I'll never be a good coach."
"I'm not someone of their word. I can't be trusted."
"She told me she wanted me to send the course as soon as it's released, maybe I'll just send her what I have now because I feel so bad."
"Maybe I could do just one call today. I don't want to let any of my clients down."
Now, I went to battle with perfectionism and people pleasing last year. I identified the roots, I acknowledged them, and then took the (much) needed action in order to change my thoughts and behaviors. I did the work that was needed and have rarely had to work though those perfectionist and people pleasing tendencies since. I've even gotten to the point were I don't think about using words like perfectionist or people pleaser when describing myself- woo! I look back at that time and see it as a huge win. I won that battle! If you're a recovering PPP, you probably went through a similar journey. Way to go us.
But last month was like going back to battle for the first time. And although I successfully (two weeks later) used the tools I know work in order to fight those tendencies, I felt like I had failed. All the work I had done last year suddenly felt like a loss, because I was having to battle something I thought I had won and gotten past.
While reflecting over the month, I had this moment of remembrance that the "win" doesn't just come from the work I did last year. It comes from being able to take what I learned in the process of that journey and applying it to every battle that I have with those tendencies...over and over and over again.
Something I often say to my clients is, "I'm so proud of you for working through that thought or behavior. Now let's see you do it again. And again. And again. And each time you do it, it's a win that deserves celebration."
I needed to remind myself of that last month. And maybe you need that reminder too.